Yea you . . .

The guy with a tank in between your groin . . .

Listen . . .

As Dick Masterson once said, ' Having a penis is like having an M1 Abrams. Point it at anything and it gets destroyed.'

I thought that was true. Chauvanism at its greatest !!! Woohooo !!!

Anyway, i think i'd help all you frustrated chumps out there who always bash yourselves on your unworthyness. Some of you deserve it, most of you could just use some guidance. You guys need references as to develop yourselves. You guys need idols and visual proof that MEN can beat the shit out of anything. We're invincible and be glad of that Abrams tank you have laying idle down there. Because you know, that tank is just sleeping but when the need arises, he's gonna be blasting away with that 125mm Smoothbore cannon and 2 coaxial machine guns.

Starting from the bottom is . . .

5.The Bodyguard

Starring Kevin 'I Don't Smile' Costner, Whitney 'Got Beat Up' Houston.

Ever wondered how to be that quiet, mysterious but dependable guy who shows no emotions and can scare a kitty to death? Kevin Costner pulled it off. Then again i must advice you guys not to drop your pants in place of your principles. Bill Clinton did it and look what he got . . . herpes and a Senate Select Committee inquiry.

4. Scarface


Starring Al 'Don't Fuck With Me' Pacino.

Motherfucking loco movie. Fucking proves that motherfuckers who start fucking small can get fucking big. Even if you're a fucking political refugee from fucking socialist Cuba. That's the fucking life. Power, money, drugs, women, people wanting to kill you. Who could fucking ask for more ? Though he got got shot like a motherfucker in the end, he made a motherfucking last stand. That's fucking MANHOOD alright. *This show's full of fuck. So if you're 18 or below, divert yourself to like maybe Fresh Prince of Bel Air or something like that.*

3. 300

Watch the movie to make yourself feel bad about eating that extra nugget or scoop of ice cream. Watch the making to learn how to shed those pound. Those aren't 6 pacs. Those are freaking Spartan pacs. As good as armor. The epitome of male body anatomy, those guys are. Owh yea, perhaps it's also safe to say that those guys are a clear definition of what 'balls' is just as how S.1 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 defines rape in the UK. Statutorily clear.

2. Saturday Night Fever

Starring John 'Boogie' Travolta.

If you can dance, you can get girls. There was an article some time back that suggests dancing is a form of sexual attraction tool male animals use to lure them females. I say since God made animals thats way, he didn't make us that different. You clubbing chumps should learn a thing or two about dancefloor alpha.

1. Top Gun



Starring Tom 'Shorty' Cruise

This is THE MOVIE of all time. It's what you need. Maverick's the shit. The aviators and leather jacket could probably be equated to Maverick. He's the exact representation of what an alpha male is. Cocky yet not in an annoying way but in a more respectful manner. How many people can go around boasting 'I'm a naval combat aviator'? The job itself sounds awesome. If you've watched the show, you'll notice how Iceman keeps beating on Maverick coz' of his 'bad ass' flying abilities amongst the naval aviators. Check out how Goose follows him around like a real wingman. Notice how Chester deals him as an equal instead of staying in that trainer trainee level. Finally see how the chicks goes all over him. That's all the sign of a 'leader of men'.

No shit. So what you waiting for ? Go get the DVD's now.